Today, modern dating can be surprisingly complex. Between talking, dating, and everything in between—you might find yourself questioning what it all means or where you stand.
We want you to move forward with confidence. This blog offers practical advice on the talking stage of the relationship and how it’s different than the dating stage.
Is talking and dating the same thing? It’s not.
When most people think about romance, they usually think about the hand-holding, the cuddling, and the sweet memories together. That’s all dating.
So, what is the talking stage then?
Before you can get to dating, there’s the talking.
The talking stage in a relationship comes before dating and is the stage where both sides:
“Talking” can refer to different ways of communicating. Two people in the talking stage can communicate in person, as well as through texts, phone calls, dating apps, or social media.
Most people would prefer to date right away, but talking stage in a relationship is actually beneficial. “It’s an early compatibility test to determine if this is someone worth pursuing,” says Rachel Vanderbilt, PhD, a relationship scientist based in Tampa.
If you’ve ever felt stuck in the talking stage, you definitely aren’t alone. The talking stage is a modern dating phenomenon that’s quite common. According to one study of 655 adults, 60.9% of participants indicated that “just talking” is a step to entering a committed relationship. Family and marriage researcher D. Scott Sibley, who conducted this study, explains that the rise of text messaging and social media has caused more singles to stay stuck in the talking stage of a relationship.
Though the talking stage is common–luckily, it isn’t all doom and gloom for singles. The talking stage is a stage of dating where you get to learn about somebody. Singles get to know each other without expecting a formal relationship or commitment.
Some topics singles can explore during this talking stage in a relationship include:
The talking stage can also reveal indirect qualities that make or break long-term relationships. Examples are humor, communication style, and whether or not the pair has natural chemistry together,
Dating advice: Don’t rush the talking stage. Moving too quickly can cause you to overlook red flags that may resurface later. Putting unnecessary pressure on the other person might also push them before anything serious happens.
But if you’re doing all the work and getting little to no response, that’s a different story. Don’t settle for someone who doesn’t value your time, and see who else is out there—like single women nearby.
As frustrating as this sounds, it depends. People are different, and you might build chemistry with someone right away. Or, it might take a while for someone to come out of their shells.
We can, however, offer a general rule of thumb to follow. It can take 3 to 5 weeks to transition from the talking stage to the dating stage.
Relationship expert Rachel Vanderbilt says the talking stage shouldn’t last “more than a few weeks.” Otherwise, the pair will risk losing steam before things get serious.
Kathryn Smerling, a New York-based relationship therapist, notes that too much time during the talking stage can also be a sign of denial. Both people might be dragging it out because neither is ready to commit or genuinely interested in moving forward.
Talking is the start and dating is often the goal–but there’s also that mysterious in-between. Between situationships vs. talking and seeing somebody vs. dating somebody, nuances can blur the line between talking and dating stage.
These key terms can help you better navigate as you transition from the talking stage to the dating stage:
People often start by talking and aim to date. However, depending on their needs, some may prefer something more flexible, like situationships, casual dating, or friends with benefits.
Eventually, you’ll want to move from the talking stage in a relationship to the dating stage. Here are some tips from our dating experts to make the transition smooth and intentional.
People can be hot and cold, especially when messaging through a dating app. A person might respond immediately and give you all their energy. The next day, they might flat-out ignore you.
A consistent communicator can be a refreshing trait that sets you up for success. If you can communicate consistently, it shows the other person that you’re serious and willing to dedicate time to them.
Subtle hints and compliments can help you express your interest in a low-pressure way. It could be their appearance, personality, or other qualities you genuinely appreciate. Hints and compliments help build connections and show them you're paying attention.
If you want to transition from talking to dating stage, be open and honest about what you want. Instead of dancing around the topic of dating, set clear expectations. This allows both people to decide if they’re on the same page and if things are worth pursuing.
Deciding to move from the talking stage to the dating stage ups the stakes and can often be an uncertain time for people.
What are the signs that the talking stage is going well?
As people grow closer and bonds strengthen, the subject of your talks will grow more personal and intimate. The nature of your talking also changes from spontaneous to something more real and tangible.
These signs show that the talking stage is going well:
Companionship feels rare in today's dating world. Many enjoy flirting but hesitate to build something real or meaningful. This can be discouraging for singles who want something long-term but are stuck on the talking stage in a relationship. Nu-Date is a different type of dating app. We’re your gateway to lasting relationships and true love. Asking someone out over text can also help ease the transition from casual talks to real dating. And if you’re unsure whether she’s into you, these signs she likes you might make things clearer. Find your ideal partner for the future!
Maria Biz is an expert in the field of dating and relationships with 7 years of experience. Her mission is to help you build successful relationships and find true love.
